You may or may not have noticed that I’ve been a bit quiet or distant. I’ve been offline mostly aside from scheduled tweets/facebook posts/blog posts.
Just the reading anything negative made me mad.
Reading anything positive made me sad and then mad.
You see, my grandpa passed away last Wednesday. My Mom’s Dad.
I’ll spare you the drama surrounding his death and believe you me, lots of that happened.
I’ve tried to avoid talking about it but I need to. I need to ramble.
It’s weird to me that I’ve reached that age that my grandpa is old enough to pass away. It’s sad. It’s heartbreaking. I mean, I get that it’s part of life but aside from distant relatives and people I knew of, this is the first death close to me.
If you read Monday’s post about taking more pictures, this is what I was referring too.
I was so heartbroken when I went to look for pictures of him only to discover a few blurry ones here and there.
My heart aches. I haven’t seen him since before we went to Alaska back in 2009. Maddie was a tiny baby, Fin was only 1. I looked forward to seeing him this summer.
He’d just informed Courtney (my sister) that if for some reason we (David, the kids and I) weren’t able to go up to Tennessee for Courtney’s college graduation (next weekend) that he would be stopping by our house on his way up to Tennessee (from Florida) and then again on his way home (if he didn’t get to visit long enough the first time) whether we liked it or not. I laughed and cried. I told Courtney that he’d have been more than welcome! It’s just so crazy to think that her graduation is next weekend and I’ve have gotten to see him for the first time in years…. Only now I won’t.
At first I was just so mad. So angry. So hurt. So hurt for my mom. So sad that I hadn’t seen him. So sad that the last time he’d seen the kids other than a few pictures was when they were tiny babies and he’d never even met baby Owen.
Then I was angry that I still had to make dinner and that life still went on.
For days I was just mad at the world. Mad that mom still had to go to work, mad the Courtney had to work, mad that Kayla was in France, mad that I was so far away from my family, mad that I still had to take Fin to school. I even picked him up early Wednesday and Thursday just to avoid having to talk to people.
Now though, now I’m thankful that life still goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still so heartbroken about it, but I’m thankful that I’m not just sitting around bawling my eyes out. I’m thankful that I had to grocery shop today, etc etc.
My heart hurts most for mom though. That’s her Dad. HER DAD! I can’t imagine the hurt she’s going through right now.
Then to top it off, his brother just passed away.
That whole “death happens in three” thing is really worrying me.